About Attachment Parenting

Author:  NotYourTypicalMom

Attachment Parenting means a lot of different things to a lot of different people, but it is, in reality, a way of thinking and a way of being. It is not a list of dos and don’ts. Sometimes attachment parenting looks like breastfeeding, child-led weaning, following the child’s lead, co-sleeping, baby-wearing, hover parenting and permissive parenting, but it is none of these things. It is simply about the relationship between you and your child. It is parenting that reflects an interest in getting to know your child and connecting with them. It is about making sure parenting is not reduced to a series of manipulative behaviors (on the part of the parent) and about allowing your relationship with your child to be mutually beneficial. That may look very different for children who are not typical, but I believe it is possible on some level.

I shudder to think about how much worse off my own child would be without the strong, secure relationship we have. She knows she can trust me to be there when she needs me and she knows she is physically and emotionally safe with me. She knows I will never purposely hurt her in any way. Even so, she has had some anxiety issues to deal with. However, with time and patience, she has managed to cope with them and over the years, as she has matured, her relationship with the anxiety provoking issues has changed right along with her.

Here is one example from our experience to illustrate how attachment parenting has helped my child.

 When my daughter was younger, she became completely terrified of thunderstorms to the extent that she went one whole summer not wanting leaving the house if there was a cloud in the sky. Now we have fun cloud watching and she is in awe of how beautiful the sky is. That didn’t happen because I forced her to face her fears. I didn’t force her to act brave when she wasn’t feeling brave. I bought her some sound canceling ear muffs and I helped her find a way to ‘hide’ from the storms so that she didn’t have to think about them or see or hear them. There are experts out there who will tell you your child will never learn to get over these issues unless you force them to. I say to them and to you, never is an awfully long time. She got over her anxiety about this issue when she was ready to. Everyone has to process things in a way that is right for them. While it was rather troubling and inconvenient at times when she was afraid of a cloud, that was her reality, and I was able to allow her the freedom to explore that and to come to terms with it in her own time. Seem too complicated to deal with? All it takes is a little creativity and a ‘can do’ attitude and loads of empathy.

My absolute favorite website to get support for this kind of parenting is at www.naturalchild.org. Jan Hunt is a wonderfully insightful child advocate. I highly recommend reading some of the articles she has on her site.